The opinion of others is something that plagues me. For many years, I’ve allowed the opinion of others to control me, dictate my self worth, and determine my moods. I’ve given over my power and agency to others’ opinions. And for that, my mental health has suffered and my joy has been hastily given away.
I allow others’ opinions of me take over my own opinions of myself. I let their views on who I am dictate how I see myself. If they think that I’m inadequate, invisible, or insignificant, I begin to see myself in that way too. If they see that I’m outstanding, exceeding their expectations, and amazing, I begin to see myself in that way too. It truly is a double edged sword.
The cousin to opinion is comparison. I compare the opinions that people have of another person to be in direct link to me. If she is getting all the attention and I’m not, that must mean that she is worthy of the attention and I’m not. If they see her to be impressive and awesome, they must not be seeing me that way either.
In reality, a lot of what I perceive to be others opinions may not even be true. And, even if it is, how much does it really matter? Josh is a king at not caring about the opinion of others.
If they don’t matter, then their opinion doesn’t matter. – Joshua Lee
At first, I thought that this was a bit harsh. Everybody matters, at least to me. 😉 But, this isn’t about anybody’s worth or value. This is about specific people’s influence over my life. I can’t walk through life disregarding every single person’s opinion. I don’t think that’s wise or responsible. However, I can’t walk through life regarding and giving whim to every single person’s opinion, either.
When evaluating another person’s opinion, it’s important to ask myself these questions:
- Are they in my inner circle? There are few people in my inner circle, to whom I would really allow to help shape and guide the bigger decisions in my life. These are people that know me deeply and fully. These are wise people who want the best for me and are truly in my corner.
- Is the opinion real or assumed? It’s easy for me to think that “everyone” has a poor opinion of me when the compliments and affirmation run dry. It’s easy to think that nobody likes me or that everybody hates me when I receive small criticisms or feedback. Yet, I can only go off of what people say to me. I can’t assume the opinion of a large group of people, or project one piece of feedback onto a whole crowd of people.
- This doesn’t say anything about my worth. This isn’t a question, but it’s a statement. When somebody else’s opinion of me is confirmed as reality (which, let’s face it, it rarely is…because nobody is criticizing or critiquing me nearly as much as I assume), it doesn’t say anything about my worth, value, beauty, gifts, or identity. Period. Case closed.