On being confident

Confidence is a scary thing for me.

If I’m too confident, I run the risk of being “found out” or embarrassed.

If I’m not confident enough, I run the risk of being trampled over, overlooked, and dismissed.

Or, so I think.

I’ve always found confidence to be much of a paradox. Both high & low confidence in extremes are annoying to me when I experience them in other people.

I’m nervous about fully engaging with the confidence that I hold because I fear what it could do to me. I want to always be a learner, somebody who is humble enough to always recognize the opportunity to learn from each person around them.

As my confidence develops, I find myself backing down from it. It’s as if my fear of failure keeps me always on guard. And, it’s as if my self-doubt will guard me from falling into a place of complacency.

I can be confident in where I’m at and who I am because I’m doing the best that I can with what I have.

I can be confident in the decisions that I make once I’ve made them because there’s no way to control others’ responses …and that’s not my responsibility to do so, anyway.

Confidence doesn’t mean that I drop my role and identity as a learner. But, it does mean that I embrace where I am at a specific moment in time, knowing that my best is good enough.

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